1. F2. Solo night with the kids…

    1. Race home from work, fighting traffic the whole way.
    2. Kiss wife goodbye, wish her a good night at work.
    3. Start solo evening with Thing 1 (3-1/2) and Thing 2 (8 weeks).
    4. Pop Thing 2 in the baby carrier, grab the leash and Thing 1 and head out for a nice long walk, but not too long lest Thing 1 need to pee or want to be carried, or Thing 2 get hungry and start balling.
    5. Pre-heat the oven for dinner, while heating up a bottle for Thing 2.
    6. Feed Thing 2 a bottle while food is cooking and Thing 1 watches Blues Clues.
    7. Wish that Thing 2 had eaten more than an ounce of his bottle and pray that he doesn’t get hungry at some later inconvenient time; e.g. dinner time, Thing 1’s bed time.
    8. Change Thing 2’s diaper.
    9. Get peed on.
    10. Ask Thing 1 to sit at the table for dinner.
    11. Pop Thing 2 in the baby seat, saying a little prayer that he’ll be chill during dinner.
    12. Ask Thing 1 to sit at the table for dinner.
    13. Serve dinner.
    14. Ask Thing 1 to sit at the table for dinner.
    15. Tell Thing 1 to sit at the table for dinner.
    16. Order Thing 1 to sit at the table for dinner.
    17. Wolf down food while rocking Thing 2 in his baby seat.
    18. Argue with Thing 1 for 15 minutes about how much she has to eat.
    19. Bribe Thing 1 with a cookie for two more bites of meat and three more bites of potatoes.
    20. Eat Thing 1’s remaining food, silently reminding yourself that this why you 15 lbs over weight.
    21. Get Thing 1 previously promised cookie.
    22. (IMPORTANT) Turn off the oven.
    23. Ask Thing 1 to go put her PJs on.
    24. Tell Thing 1 to go put her PJs on.
    25. Marvel that Thing 2 is still chill and start making Thing 1’s lunch for the next day.
    26. Ask Thing 1 to feed the dog.
    27. Tell Thing 1 to feed the dog.
    28. Kindly remind Thing 1 not to turn on the dishwasher for fun.
    29. Argue with Thing 1 for 5 minutes as to why she can’t have apple juice 15 minutes before bed.
    30. Finish fixing previously started lunch for Thing 1.
    31. Get Thing 1 a bandaid for the paper cut she just got from god knows where.
    32. Assure Thing 1 that the paper cut is in fact not a “beatle bite” (hell if I know?!?)
    33. Finish fixing previously started lunch for Thing 1.
    34. Ensure that Thing 2 is okay, as he’s going for record setting “chillness”.
    35. Attempt to feed Thing 2 again do he doesn’t freak out while putting Thing 1 to bed.
    36. Fail.
    37. Change Thing 2’s diaper.
    38. Ponder how such a small body could produce so much excrement. (It really is amazing.)
    39. Start story time…
    40. Argue with Thing 1 for 5 minutes as to why Dora the Explorer and/or Angry Birds do not constitute stories.
    41. Make up a story about Santa Clause (at Thing 1’s request) which closely resembles Twas The Night Before Christmas and (again at Thing 1’s request) morphs in to a story about Frosty the Snowman.
    42. Read Twas The Night Before Christmas.
    43. Change the batteries in Thing 1’s Light Bright/night light.
    44. Sing Thing 1 Frère Jacques.
    45. Sing Thing 1 Brother John.
    46. Wonder what cosmic karmic event is keeping Thing 2 chill in the baby seat during Thing 1’s bed time.
    47. Tuck Thing 1 in bed and kiss her good night.
    48. Check (still quite) Thing 2’s vitals.
    49. Tell Thing 1 to go pee (again) quickly and get back in bed.
    50. Endure (reminding yourself to breathe and that she’s only 3-1/2) 20 minutes of WWIII over Thing 2 going to bed.
    51. Curse yourself for yelling at Thing 1 during bed time.
    52. Make some tea (<3 my Keurig).
    53. Take 5 minutes to breathe and calm down after putting Thing 1 to bed (aka smoke a cig and drink some tea, while still thanking the sun, moon and stars that Thing 2 has now been sitting in his baby seat for almost 45 minutes quietly contemplating the ceiling).
    54. Wash hands.
    55. Decide not to do dishes tonight.
    56. Decide not to take out the trash tonight.
    57. Change Thing 2 in to night time onesey.
    58. Change Thing 2’s diaper - OMFG, yet another massive poop.
    59. Tell Thing 1 to go pee (again) and get back in bed.
    60. Pick up attempt to feed Thing 2 more of his bottle.
    61. Watch Thing 2 slowly drift off to sleep while taking his 4th ounce off the bottle.
    62. Listen to Thing 1 get up to pee, yet again, and silently hope that she does so quickly and get’s back in bed by herself.
    63. Curse yourself yet again for yelling at her, when she does.
    64. Promise yourself that you’l apologize in the morning for yelling.
    65. Text Mommy and find out when she’s going to be home.
    66. Burp Thing 2.
    67. Easy mostly sleeping Thing 2 in to his swing, and watch him drift off to sleep.
    68. Read text from Mommy that she’s leaving now.
    69. Breathe a sigh of relief.
    70. Launch SWTOR.

    3 months ago  /  0 notes